so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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