i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
