North Korea, Best Korea!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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