You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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