I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
