So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
