i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
