My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
