just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
