Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
