So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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