i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
