That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
