I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
