he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
