i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
a search helicopter?!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize