also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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