Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I understand Curling. That high.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
