Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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