i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
