how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
