I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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