it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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