yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
