So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
