for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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