he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
