Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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