Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
