My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
