Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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