MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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