I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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