I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
