He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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