Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
