y did u give ur computer a hand job?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize