She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
