I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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