You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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