Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
