Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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