I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
