A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
