You work out of a Hotel?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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