there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
