So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
