my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is Oprah even human
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
