Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
