so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
