why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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