You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
