Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
