It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
