tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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