Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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