i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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