really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
