forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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