I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
