we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
