guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
