Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
