dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
