I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
