could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
