i permit you to call me
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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