Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
