guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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