Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
