im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
