Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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