I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
