respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
