Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
