Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
