3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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